The Act of Never Letting Go
by Arabellea
Summary: Times are changing, a war is coming. I don't know where any of us will be when we come out. Maybe you'll notice me, but it's been six years. You won't, and I don't want, but people lie, to themselves most of all. Sirius/OC set 6th year and up


**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize. **

**A/N: This story was posted, and then taken down by me due to grammatical errors. A few days later, I discovered that this chapter had been combined with other stories belonging to other people, into a book published under the same title. I have decided to continue now, and also to stake a claim that this is my writing. **

_It's been nine days since the girl's mother died, and she can scarcely believe it. _

_As a pureblood, the ceremony was large, and she barely ever got near the casket. Her father told her yesterday she'll be living with her mom's brother, Uncle Christopher, along with Auntie Nita and their son James for the next couple months as he 'sorts some things out'. Her father has seemed weird lately to the little girl, so, in some ways, she's grateful. _

_She's also horribly betrayed. _

_10 days ago, she was given a small silver locket. _

_She strokes it absentmindedly. _

_6 years later_

See, what most people don't understand about being 5'9" and 3/4, and also being a 16-year-old girl, is that it sucks. Especially when you're visiting your vertically challenged grandparents, who, as a result of their vertically challengedness, have a height complex, and, as a result of their height complex, built a ridiculously low roofed house with tiny doors to make them feel tall.

Up ahead of me, James, my cousin, at 6'2", is also having trouble. By up ahead, I mean farther up the hallway. Currently, we are both trying to leave for the Hogwarts express, to make our way back from a delightful winter break, which I normally spend at Hogwarts.

James and me don't really talk anymore, but it's always a pleasure to see him. I mean, he seems great fun, and, well, the company he keeps- but we don't have very much in common. He's coincidentally rather obsessed with my best friend, which means I hear about five times a day how much of a git he is, but he doesn't really... er... acknowledge my existence much in school. However, whenever we hang out with Gram and Gramps, some rather lively bits of conversation start to emerge, if I can work past my inherent shyness. I suppose it also helps that we're both wildly competitive, so a game of exploding snap or wizard chess is always on the horizon.

I have a sparse amount of things, but my trunk is now heavy with gifts from my friends and relatives. My best mates, Lily, Alice, and Marlene pooled all their money together to get a sketchpad not unlike the one my mother had gotten me all those years ago. From Neelan, my rather dashing Ravenclaw friend, was a new copy of Jane Austen's 'Sense and Sensibility', which he owed me after accidently lighting my old copy on fire. Both Neelan and me shared a passion for old English literature, though Neelan isn't quite so public about it. From Father there had been a pair of diamond earrings, which probably were Mom's, so I treasure them more then I normally would, a nice cashmere overcoat from his mother, which I was currently wearing, and from Gram and Gramps, a warm knit sweater, a bag of donuts (a muggle treat which I positively adore) and from James, a little slip of paper on it that reads IOU, because apparently his gift got 'lost in the mail'.

We finally made it into Gram and Gramps SUV, though my glasses were hanging crookedly (I guess me and James _do _have something in common! Our barmy eyesight.) Gram kept up lively chatter all the way there, keeping any dreaded awkward silences from falling. We talk about Quidditch for a bit. Heights, and the idea of not being firmly on the ground scare the living daylights out of me, but spending the first 4 years of Hogwarts with primarily Neelan have given me a fairly good understanding of the game. James is some sort of chaser prodigy, so while he drones on how we have a good shot of winning the cup this year, I stare out the window aimlessly. I catch sight of my reflection and resign myself to the reality that today will not be a good hair day. The constant banging of my head against the wall has caused my abundance of knots, you could, I suppose, call curls, to balloon up around my face in a dusty colored mass. Combined with the fact that I turned deathly pale in the winter, I looked like a psychotic, nerdy vampire. I bared my teeth. That's right, Winnie, the psychotic nerdy vampire. "Let me suck your blooooooooood."

James turned to me, looking both slightly confused and amused. "What, Win?"

"Um…" Oh Merlin, had I said that out loud? Cursing my brains ability to tell thought from spoken word, I send James a small smile. "Nothing. I didn't say anything."

James nods, but I can tell he's unconvinced. Sigh.

Gran turns her attention to me. "Excited for the new term, Winnie?"

Having gotten OWLS in Charms, Potions, DADA, COMC, Ancient Ruins Herbology, History of Magic, Astronomy, and surprisingly, Transfiguration. I was feeling rather overwhelmed by the new coursework, even though I had dropped Care of Magical Creatures, History of Magic, and Astronomy because they were all courses not required for me to become a healer. This problem was primarily caused by my decision to take Magical Law, which had been offered this year. There were four of us in the class, five counting Robert Bones, who never showed up.

I would never admit it to Gran or James, even though the latter was undoubtedly aware, but I was really struggling with transfiguration. I had gotten a _very _low E on my O.W.L, and had practically begged McGonagall to let me continue to take the class this year. The first half of the year had been embarrassing enough, and besides the last month or so, that had been primarily review! Just imagine the horror when I had turned by tea-cup, not into a lizard like we had been practicing, but into _a insane lizard-cup cross bread with shiny skin and a bowl head that could shoot steamy hot liquid at people. _That had been the horrible fate to befall me the final day of Transfiguration before the end of the term. I had not received detention, thank Merlin, but McGonagall had given me a little note informing me to 'see her when I was back from holiday'.

While I could be a lot worse at Transfiguration, if I do so say myself, I am throne even further into an ugly light by those that I share my class with. Both James and Black happened to grace the class with their presence, and they seemed to excel in the subject with a natural ease. On top of the, Alice, whom I sat next to, was also gifted, though her talent was more from textbooks then natural ability.

However, because both Gran and Gramps had appointed me as 'the studious, smart one', I answered the question with a "Yeah, I guess".

The rest of the car ride was spent discussing muggle music, which Gramps had recently discovered, and then we were at Kings Cross. Both Gran and Gramps got out of the car to help me and James with out bags, and, as I checked to make sure everything was in order in regards to my trunk, Gran kissed me on the cheek.

"See you over the summer then, okay, sweetie?"

I gave her a hug. "Definitely, Gran."

Summer was when Father, who worked for the ministry, was the most busy, so it was common for me to spend a rather large segment of the summer with friends or relatives, which ever came first. I shook hands with Gramps, as touchy feely wasn't really his thing, and then made my way into the station.

I had lost sight of James back at the car, which I supposed was for the best. I still hadn't figured out quite what was going on with Black (though I had managed to avoid thinking about him throughout break – yes! -). Here's the thing about Sirius Black. He's a womanizing git, albeit and attractive one (as mentioned previously) . The last time we had any form of contact was in fourth year when he managed to dump a pail of green slime on my head, right as I was leaving my DADA examination. I had to go to charms covered in goo! Thank Merlin Professor Flitwick, who was in his first year of teaching, took pity on my and charmed it off. Neelan had offered to get revenge for me – having just had a growth spurt, he was going through his overly confident phase – but being the naïve child that I was, I had taken it as a sign that Sirius Black was madly in love with me and decided to do nothing about it.

Fourth year was, as Lily and Marlene constantly remind me, the one year I was 'open about my love' for Sirius Black. Whenever this point comes up, I first remind them that you can't be in love with someone when you're fourteen, and secondly, that I do not have a crush on Sirius Black. Lily will go on to insist I'm in denial, Marlene will claim it's better just to let it all out, and Alice, who will have been sucked into the conversation by this point, will quietly agree. This changed at the beginning of the year, when Black 'dated' (more like shagged, I mean, let's be real here) 7 girls in a week. Now, they believe me when I say I don't have any interest in Black.

I'm not sure if I believe myself.

Now on the train, I peak into different compartments, trying to find either an empty one or ones with my mates. Lily, a prefect, will be at the meeting for the first half of the ride, so I'll have to catch up with her later. Finally, I find Alice and Marlene in one of the compartments in the back. Neelan's probably off with his guy friends; I'll talk to him later when we arrive at school.

Alice and Marlene are about as different as can be. Alice is quiet and demure, with dark brown hair she recently cut short. Her eyes are big and brown, giving her the appearance of being a deer, possibly caught in the headlights. We've been trying to get her to stand up for herself, but she has a massive fear of offending anyone, including people that offend her.

Marlene, on the other hand, is a little fiery ball of energy. She insults everyone, and takes pride in it. She's my height, though her heritage has given her ample curves and flawless dark skin.

They both have the rather fortunate (or unfortunate, in the case of my ego) case of looking like Barbie dolls (So does Lily, with her red hair and green eyes). Maybe just without as big a pair of breasts.

If I'm a Barbie doll, I'm that boring mousy one that got discontinued because no one liked her.

Marlene looks up from her book, catches sight of me.

"Oh Winnie, you look positively dreadful!"

"Thanks Mar." I sit down next to Alice, who flashes me a smile before glaring at Marlene. "I had _no idea. So _helpful"

"Oh Winnie darling, I'm always helpful." Marlene straightens my glasses, flashes a glare at my skin, and then looks hopelessly at my hair. "You wouldn't happen to have a brush, would you?"

I shake my head. Typically, I don't particularly care about my appearance, but today was different. I had had a row with someone right before break, and I couldn't give her anything to mock me about today.

Anna Wasson, the one other sixth year Gryffindor girl. Me and her had hated each other since the first day of school, when she had told Alice her outfit was ugly and her face drab, which resulted in Alice crying, which resulted in my slugging her in the face. Admittedly, that had earned Alice's gratitude and Marlene's respect, which had made us friends, but still. Anna was a bad piece of worl, as Gran would say, with her bad attitude, female doggish ways, and her love of tearing other people down. However, most of the boys and even some of the girls were infatuated with her, what with her long black hair, perfect tanned skin, a short, curvaceous figure, and sparkling blue eyes.

She'd been the on and off again boy-toy of Sirius Black, the one night stand of Peter Pettigrew and others, and the girlfriend of many more.

Marlene purses her lips and taps my hair, muttering something under her breath that sounds vaguely like _pulchra. _Being the daughter of rich purebloods, Marlene has countless spell books to read, and therefore knows an array of charms.

Pulchra, which is the Latin adjective for beautiful, is supposed to give you a beauty fix. It's actually quite tricky, and I've seen it to wrong many a time (cue Marlene's bright yellow hair last year. She made it work, but still). My hair twists itself onto the top of my head into a bun. A couple curls spring out immediately, but hopefully my look is now more 'chic school-girl vampire' then 'psycho nerdy vampire'. Marlene whips out a lipstick, dabs it on my lips, and then pinches my cheeks. Hard.

"Ow!" I swat her hands away.

I take off my coat, pulling on my school robes. We lapse into a conversation about what we did over break. Alice (also a pureblood) and Marlene told stories about the numerous dinner parties they had attended. I laughed, silently thankful I had managed to skip them at Gran and Gramp's.

Marlene is just beginning to tell a story about some boy she met over break, when the compartment door slams open.

"YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED! THE GIT! I'LL KILL HIM. OH, I SWEAR I'LL KILL HIM".

"Oh, don't do that Lils. My grandparents would be devastated." I say drily as Lily Evans, aka my best friends, plops down across from me. On the scale of Lily/James encounters, this one's pretty tame. "What happened this time?"

"This time! HE ONLY ASKED ME OUT FOUR TIMES, COMPLETELY EMBRASSED ME IN FRONT OF AMOS DIGGORY, AND THEN ACTED LIKE HE HAD NO IDEA WHY I WAS MAD". Lily crosses her arms over her chest. "I knew this year wouldn't be different. I just knew it".

She steals a glimpse at the door, and curls her lip. "I think he's coming to apologize now."

Now that Lily's no longer screaming, we can hear voices outside the door. Manly voices. Multiple manly voices. No one bothers to knock.

The door simply swings open, revealing a smiling James Potter, but, more importantly, the smirking face of the boy I've been trying to forget.


End file.
